Headlines You Will Only See On April 1st

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  • Stay-at-home moms and homemakers to earn Social Security credit.
  • Stay-at-home moms and homemakers paid for their work.
  • All American children guaranteed health insurance.
  • All Americans guaranteed health insurance.
  • Health insurance premiums dip to new low.
  • Health care costs decrease.
  • California upholds legality of same-sex marriages.
  • All states legalize same-sex marriage.
  • Federal mandate makes it illegal to discriminate against mothers.
  • Women’s political participation surpasses 50%  mark.
  • Women make up majority in House and Senate.
  • Vatican rules that women can be priests.
  • Vatican rules that priests can be married.
  • Equal Rights Amendment added to Constitution.
  • Transgender declared a “third sex.”

  • Marriage set up as a renewable contract; number of divorces drop.
  • Illegal immigrants receive amnesty.
  • Immigration quotas made more liberal.
  • Book-banning banned.
  • All American schoolchildren required to learn at least one foreign language.
  • Women finally earn same as men.
  • Abstinence-only sex education a thing of the past.
  • New mothers and fathers to receive six months of parental paid leave.
  • Boys and girls have identical potential.
  • “Feminism” no longer a dirty word.
  • Elective abortion upheld in all fifty states.
  • Congress approves federal funding for abortions.
  • Majority of colleges lower tuition.
  • New trend: free college education.
  • Men marry for love; women for sex.

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Ellen Keim

Ellen is a freelance writer, essayist and copy editor, living with three cats and a husband in Columbus, OH.

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