On April 16, 2010, Vexing wrote at Feministing that she’s frustrated with the transgendered females she’s met who don’t acknowledge that becoming female has caused them to lose privilege. (For a discussion of privilege, see yesterday’s post.) She wants to know how to convince them that when they were gender-normative males (meaning their gender identity matched their genitalia), they had male privilege and that once they transitioned to female, they lost it.
Vexing’s frustration comes from the reactions she’s received from these transgendered females. They don’t see a problem at all. She hypothesizes that they are so thrilled with being female that they’re willing to put up with the sexism and discrimination that comes with it. Some even appear to welcome it, as a kind of proof that they are indeed being accepted as women.
It’s not just transgendered females who feel this way. Plenty of gender-normative women seem willing to accept what society dishes out because “after all, it goes with the territory.” These women usually insist that the benefits of being women—being sought after sexually, protected and supported, able to have children, and not having to work—far outweigh the possible deficits—being abused sexually, controlled and mistreated, left high and dry when they become pregnant, and not being able to find meaningful work that pays well.
A woman who refuses to call herself a feminist is one divorce or beating away from becoming one. Everything’s fine as long as she gets to be the star of her perfect little life. But when reality sets in, when she experiences the negative side of being female, when she wakes up and realizes that men get a larger share of the pie than women do, then she may begin to wonder if being a woman is all that it’s cracked up to be.
One in six women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. Women get poorer after a divorce than men do. Women still bear the greater share of the burden of housework and child-rearing, even if they work as many hours outside of the home as their husbands and boyfriends do. Women are the ones who get pregnant, who work at lower-paying jobs, who are seen as easy prey by rapists and murderers. Women are treated like sex objects, trafficked into sexual slavery, and made into whores.
Why would anyone in their right mind choose to be a woman?
Of course most women don’t have a choice. But if they could choose, if they could have a do-over, would they still want to be born female?
Feminists have often been accused of not being comfortable with their gender identity (after all, everyone knows that a feminist is either an overt or a covert lesbian). They gravitate toward feminism because they’re not satisfied by marriage and motherhood. They hate their own gender and all that it stands for, so they devote themselves to tearing apart the fabric of true womanhood. The bottom line is, they’d rather be men.
That’s hogwash. Feminists value womanhood so much they’re willing to fight for every woman’s right to be what she has always dreamed of. Not every woman wants to be a wife or a mother or a homemaker, just as not every woman wants to be a career woman. And some women want it all. Feminism says that nobody has the right to stand in a woman’s way or to restrict her choices in life, whatever they may be.
Being a woman isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. But it could be.
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Ellen Keim
Editor and chief writer at Femagination.com and I, Muslimah. Ellen also contributes regularly to Examiner.com. She is a freelance writer, essayist and copy editor, living with two cats and a husband in Columbus, OH. To get in touch with Ellen send her an email or connect via Twitter or LinkedIn.
Ellen – I understand Vexing’s frustration over the attitude of many transwomen. Many see the loss of privilege as “the right of passage” in their transition and wear the loss as a badge of womanhood. Fortunately, not all transwomen agree. Many transwomen recognize that loss, and although they are for the first time whole, they still fight against the second class status, they and all women, endure in this country, and worse in other lands.
I know several transwomen who fit in both in denial and as feminist, as well as many gender-normative women, who are indeed live in denial and as feminist, even if they do not wear that title openly. Their attitudes toward the treatment of women, and their activism in advancing the cause of women, speaks louder than their words.
I see the loss of privileged in the way women are treated in medical fields, both as patients and as care givers. I see it in the role of women in the homes. It is abundantly evident in many Church circles, especially among fundamental and evangelical Christians. I see it in classrooms and professional circles. The disparity is evident everywhere if one only opens their eyes.
I worked as a Gender Therapist for many years. Not all, but many of the transwomen who passed through my practice saw the disparity. Many also fought further loss of privilege because they were trans.
On the other side of the coin, I had clients who were transmen, and they encounter disparity as well. Only this time, they gained status and acceptance. They saw their place in society rise to a more positive and even first class citizens role, even when others knew of their trans status.
It was as if it is OK for a women to become a man, but heaven forbid any man would want to be a women. Transmen recognized this difference often earlier in their transition than transwomen did. Perhaps the male ego of transwomen had taught them earlier in life to never acknowledge that women were second class. After all, any complaining a woman might due about her status is probably “just hormonal”.
I have come to conclusion that those women, trans or gender-normative, who do not see this loss of privilege, live in a fairy tale world of their own making, and will probably never gain what they need, and deserve, respect.
SO Thanks for femination. You do a great job.
Dr. A.E.Reynolds
Thank you for generously sharing your insight and expertise.
I really enjoyed what I saw of your website, particularly your June 1st post, Authorization for Ministry. I was married to a Methodist minister for ten years and I know exactly what you’re talking about.It all comes down to taking personal responsibility for the acting out of our relationship with God, regardless of our denomination or religion. I know I fall short in that department. So I appreciate the reminder!
Keep on writing–you’re good!
Ellen