- They don’t have the time or energy to think about feminism, let alone act on it.
- Having babies gets them all wrapped up in traditional expectations, which seem to be at odds with feminist principles.
- Many people, women included, think that feminists hate children because they “enslave” you.
- They get seduced by the American Dream: Mom at home taking care of baby, Dad at work supporting the family.
- They feel rejected by feminists, as if they had violated some kind of oath by having children, or worse yet, by staying home with them.
- Becoming a feminist is threatening to the men who (help) support them and their children. It would be like admitting that motherhood is not enough.
- Their religion tells them that feminists want to diminish the sanctity of motherhood.
- They think that feminists don’t respect women who have chosen to become mothers.
- It would make them seem ungrateful for being able to stay home with the children.
- It would be like admitting that motherhood isn’t enough.
- They feel misjudged and misrepresented by feminism.
- Their husbands/boyfriends might leave them.
These reasons why mothers aren’t feminists fall into two main categories: insecurities about themselves and their children’s futures and a feeling that feminists are not interested in their fate. The ironic thing is, the majority of women who start out as feminists end up being mothers. What happens to their feminist ideology and identity then? Is it like losing your religion? Can’t you be a card-carrying feminist and a mother, too? We need to hear more from those mothers and childless feminists need to give more thought to their own futures. Even if they don’t want to have children, what kind of lives do they want for their “sisters” who do?
Another ironic thing is that many women don’t become feminists until they have children. They suddenly see all the pitfalls that befall a woman who is trying to raise children in a disinterested world. They begin to think for the first time what kind of people they want their children to become. Do they want them to be restricted by the roles society assigns to them? Do they want them to be victims of discrimination either on the receiving end or the giving end? Don’t they want their children to be strong and sensitive regardless of their gender? And what if they have gay or transgendered children? Or a teen who gets pregnant–or gets a girl pregnant? What if they themselves get divorced or were always single mothers?
Being a mother is to be vulnerable. It would be nice to think that society would protect mothers from all the things that can harm them. But look around you: how many employers are empathetic when an employee’s child is sick? How many government programs are there for reduced or free child care or health insurance? How many women get the child support that is due them? How many jobs provide paid maternity leave or are still there for them when mothers come back to work? And then there are the fathers. What kind of support do they receive as they struggle to share in the parenting process? Are they going to pull women up or be dragged down themselves by their desire to be as involved as possible in childrearing?
These are all issues which need to be addressed by feminism if it is to remain relevant. Because someday today’s feminists won’t be here. What kind of people will they leave behind?
Read “Raising the Baby Question” about the disconnect between mothers and feminism.
Related posts:
- A Survey for Women Noble Savage tipped me off to this survey for women about feminism, marriage and motherhood. The survey is being conducted by the University of...
- False Feminist Death Syndrome In a review of The Fire This Time: Young Activists and the New Feminism edited by Vivien Labaton and Dawn Lundy Martin, Jennifer L....
- Having It All Young women today feel betrayed by feminists for telling them that they can “have it all.” They see their mothers slaving away at jobs...
- “Bad” Mothers Are Working Mothers Germans have a special word for bad mothers: “Rabenmutter” (literally, “raven mother”). For a developed country, especially a Western one, Germany is surprisingly backwards...
- Should All Women Be Feminists? Feminism is not about being a victim or a villain. It’s about being a human. I get it that women who are satisfied with...
Ellen Keim
Editor and chief writer at Femagination.com. Ellen also contributes regularly to Examiner.com. She is a freelance writer, essayist and copy editor, living with two cats and a husband in Columbus, OH.
To get in touch with Ellen send her an email or connect via Twitter or LinkedIn. 
A good deal of your bullet points about why moms aren’t feminists hit on several of the issues that I struggled with when my kids were toddlers. The point about becoming feminist once a woman becomes a mom really resonated with me–that is my story as a feminist.
In my late teens, early-twenties, I had some feminist views, but resisted the moniker of feminist–and frankly held assumptions very similar to the previous commenter. A few years later, mid-to-late-twenties, I was heavily involved in climbing the so-called ladder in Corporate America. I was a feminist, but refused the moniker. When I was 31, pregnant with my first child, I learned that I was carrying a girl–and I wept. Not because I had been harboring a secret hope for a boy, but because the task of raising a girl in our patriarchal society daunted me *so much* that I feared I wasn’t up to the task. How could I do this? I didn’t think I was equipped.
It was during those first few years of motherhood that I acknowledged exactly who I was–yes, a Feminist!–but not before an internal struggle over many of the issues you point out as reasons moms *aren’t* feminists. I stayed at home with the kids, I no longer ran in the ‘rat race’, and I had issues with being viewed as ‘just a mom’ after so many years with a career in the male-dominant financial services industry.
Being a parent has changed me, and it’s changed my husband–and the kind of people, in the form of our son and our daughter, that we, both feminists, leave behind will also be feminists…in fact, at 6 & 8 years old, I seeing signs that they already are…
Thanks for a great piece!
Thanks for your thoughtful comments. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who was scared by the prospect of raising a girl! And how nice that you have a boy as well, so you can learn from both your children how they’re being socialized and what they really want to do and be.
I had all girls (four) and it wasn’t until my grandson came along that I began to really see things from a male’s point of view. I found out that boys and girls are more similar than they are different, but that there are some differences, mainly in the way that they play. Do you find the same thing, or am I just being influenced by what I was raised to expect from the sexes?
Ellen
My firm belief is that the majority of the feminist organizations is comprised of the unattractive, slightly obese-obese women that were made fun of in school. Women have many unfair advantages in the world today. All because of all this feminist crap, just be happy you can earn the same wage and have the same rights as a man for once.
P.S.- I’m a women too.